"As a long-time client of (BIG FUCKING BANK), you are our number one priority. Our mission is to provide you, our client, with the finest possible customer service and convenience. As you are aware, we have recently merged with (OTHER BIG FUCKING BANK). In order to continue to provide you with the most convenient access to our services, we are closing the (BRANCH NEAREST YOU) as of January Whatever 2021. Rest assured that we are blah blah blah blah blah blah."