Damned Rodan's Manhattan Project Clam Chowder

It's recipe time! Yes! I love me some clam chowder, I do, and I much prefer the Manhattan style (red) to New England style (white) — though make no mistake, I will dive into either. My recipe, of course, is for the bloody red, and it's guaranteed to blow your eyeballs out of your head — which, if you frequent this place at all, you already know is my favorite kind of thing. The recipe below makes about six servings (do note that you can vary seasonings to your taste). So, take notes and abandon all hope ye who consume.

What you need:
2 cans (6.5 oz.) minced clams (or whole clams, if you prefer)
2 tbsp. Worcestershire sauce
1 tbsp. (approx.) Old Bay seasoning
1 tsp. (approx.) lemon pepper
rubbed sage (dash)
4 celery stalks, diced
3 large carrots, sliced into coins
1 large onion, chopped
1 red hot chili pepper
1 can (10 oz.) HOT Ro-tel diced tomatoes with habaneros
1 can (1/2 cup) condensed tomato soup
2 cups Clamato juice
habanero sauce (several dashes)

What you do:

1. Into a large soup pot, pour clams (with juice) and Worcestershire sauce; heat on stove top at medium-high until the pot begins to boil. Reduce heat to medium-low.
2. Add Old Bay, lemon pepper, and sage; let simmer for about 15 minutes.
3. Stir in celery, carrots, onion, chili pepper, tomato soup, and Clamato juice.
4. Add splashes of habanero sauce as desired.
5. Let simmer on very low heat for at least two hours; this allows for a good blending of flavors while retaining just a touch of crispiness about the vegetables.
6. Serve to unwitting victims, sit back, and laugh like the Controller of Planet X from Monster Zero.
7. Enjoy some of this unholy concoction yourself.

And that's the works.

While, to some, red wine with any recipe involving sea creatures may be considered gauche, the chowder is red and spicy, so red wine is perfectly apt. To me, white wine is anathema to all that is holy anyway, so don't do it. (Perhaps someday I shall relate the experience from my dim, dark past that permanently put me off of white wine.) At any given time, I quite enjoy a bold, full-bodied dry red — a Zinfandel or Primitivo, maybe a Petite Syrah or Shiraz, a Malbec, or — as I did this evening — a rich California blend, which I found perfectly complementary to the chowder. Tonight's selection, Gnarly Head Authentic Black, is a limited release; very inexpensive, most satisfying.

Note: As with any Damned Rodan recipe, Spontaneous Human Combustion may result from even careful and conscientious handling of ingredients. Do not smoke cigarettes or imbibe this product near any open flame, inflammable materials, children, most animals (including hedgehogs, pygmy goats, and llamas), and overly sensitive individuals.

Chowderhead

Spent the last couple of days pounding the keys for a new tale, which I'm writing for a specific market. For all the pounding, it doesn't seem to be moving very quickly, but at least it's heading in the right direction. It's been a rather ugly week, which I won't get into here, and certain situations have about left me quite spent, energy-wise, so I'll take whatever consolation in having made this much progress.

Possible (very) good news on another of the writing fronts, but I'm not at liberty to disclose details at the moment, so I won't. I shall happily keep you-who-really-want-to-know in suspenders.

The day's highlight was easily the batch of spicy clam chowder I made for dinner. Mine is a Manhattan-style concoction, which I devised just by throwing stuff in a pot. Tell you what, I'll give you my recipe. Bear in mind, when I make it, all of the below are subject to much variation.

Ingredients:

Four 6.5-ounce cans of minced clams

Four or five stalks of celery (diced)

Four or five carrots (or equivalent in baby carrots) (diced)

Whole white or yellow onion (diced)

Two jalapeno or habanero peppers (diced)

Two whole lemons

Two tbsp. soy sauce

Two tbsp. Worcestershire sauce

One tbsp. Tabasco sauce

Two–three tbsp. Old Bay seasoning

One tsp. salt Dash of dill weed

Dash of garlic salt

Two 10.75-ounce cans Campbell's Tomato soup

32-oz. bottle of Mott's Clamato juice

Next...

• Dump the clams, diced veggies, spices, and sauces into a large pot.

• Squeeze in the juice of the lemons.

• Heat on medium-high until liquid is bubbling happily.

• Stir in the cans of tomato soup.

• Once the liquid begins to bubble again, add the whole bottle of Clamato juice and stir vigorously for several minutes.

• Reduce heat to simmer, and let it cook for 30–40 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Makes eight to ten servings. I often add more in the hot pepper department, but I'm a masochist.