The Christmas of the Winter Blast

Thanks to the Arctic blast that hit most of the country, yesterday was not only the coldest day of the year, it was one of the coldest days on record here in North Carolina. We woke up on Christmas Eve morning to no electricity; thankfully, it was restored after a couple of hours. Due to excessive power usage, Duke Energy began emergency rolling blackouts over the course of the day; fortunately, after that first morning outage, we didn't get hit with another one.

Today wasn't as cold as yesterday, though one could hardly call it warm. The high temperature didn't even reach freezing. Still, despite us keeping the inside temperature relatively low, Brugger and I stayed reasonably warm by bundling up and smushing with cats. Once we were out of bed and moving about, we set about preparing our Christmas dinner — turkey, roasted carrots, and Brugger's proprietary stuffing. It might have been less elaborate than some of our big family meals from days past, but it was without question one of the best I've had in I don't know how long. Between us, we basically got everything perfect, accompanied by a nice Pinot Noir.

We gave each other a slew of gifts, all of which I loved. Most appreciated was a new addition to the Toho daikaiju figures I've been picking up on occasion. Back in the 1980s, I collected anything and everything Godzilla, kith and kin, but since then, collecting of any sort has fallen by the wayside. However, a year or so ago, I got it into my head I'd like to snag the occasional Godzilla figure — as long as it was relatively inexpensive. (I've got to tell you, it's almost unbelievable how expensive some of the really nice monster figures are.) Anyway, there's a handful of monster sets by Mezco to which I took a shine, and, today, Brugger did her part to help me add to them. Eventually, I'll set up them up in some kind of honest-to-god display, but for now, they're hanging out on the shelves wherever I can find available space.

After our little Christmas celebration, Ms. B. and I packed up and headed to Martinsville to visit with Allison and share some gifts with her. There were a couple of newish geocaches to stop for along the way, which is kind of a rarity these days, so I enjoyed taking advantage of the opportunity to grab them. Now, I do not exaggerate when I say that, gift-wise, Allison's fur baby Cannoli may have made out best of all. What an excited little dude! We brought along the remainder of our Christmas Eve chili for dinner, and after enjoying it, we spent a little time with friend and Fugue Devil: Resurgence publisher Samaire Wynne. Nice company and nice refreshments.

Since Mom and my brother passed away, for me, the whole dynamic of Christmas has changed rather radically. I can't deny a certain sense of melancholy, now that I'm the last of the family I'd known all my life. But I would not change the new traditions that Ms. B. and I have created together for anything in the world. Although my Christmas spirit, such as it as, may not be full of the exuberance I once experienced — even as an adult — the somewhat quieter, more contemplative atmosphere, combined with moments of rip-roaring fun and comedy, suits me as much as anything ever has or could have.

I hope your holiday season is full of warmth, wonderful memories, and lots of love.

And why the hell not? Here's a few shots of the critters that have moved into the house in recent days.

Christmas Eve Morn Slapjacks and More

The Arctic blast that froze most of the country yesterday spared us its worst — no power outage, no frozen water pipes, and no property damage (although some neighbors down the way were not so lucky, thanks to falling trees).

Well, back that up just a bit. Early this morning, with no rain, bright sunshine, and not a breath of wind, we lost our electricity for a couple of hours. That tends to be the pattern here anymore; we weather the bad weather, but then, when everything is basically fine... BOOM!... out go the lights. Anyway, on the upside, the power went off at 7:00 a.m. and came back on a little after 9:00. As long as it remains on, I reckon our relatively modest Christmas plans will go ahead as scheduled.

To kick off the day, I made a batch of Damned Rodan’s Scary Slapjacks, which were delicious. For the afternoon, Brugger and I went over to friends Mark & Kelly’s new place for an open-house gathering, with lots of food, drink, and fun. Once home, I cooked up a big pot of chili for our dinner, and then — following our long-held Christmas Eve tradition, Brugger and I watched A Christmas Story. I care not what others may say, but as for me, it’s one of those rare perfect comedies, and I always love watching it on Christmas Eve.

Come bedtime, thanks to a post by friend Bill Gudumundson, I listened to a portion of Algernon Blackwood’s “The Wendigo” on audio, which is an old favorite scary tale. A lovely way to bring Christmas Eve to a close.

And remember — just for the holidays, the Kindle edition of Fugue Devil: Resurgence is available for the special price of $2.99. Grab it for yourself to stay chilled well beyond the holidays, or as a gift for someone you’d rather not spend much money on. ’Tis here: Fugue Devil: Resurgence at Amazon.com

UFOs Over Greensboro

For at least a couple of decades, the residents of Greensboro’s Sunset Hills neighborhood have gone to town filling the sky with colorful balls of light for the Christmas season. These are essentially wads of chicken wire wrapped in strings of Christmas lights and suspended from the neighborhood’s many tall trees. In the early days, the display was mostly along a single road — Ridgeway Drive — but it soon spread to many of the neighboring lanes.

Last night, Brugger and I had to go out and about for supplies, and since we were in the neighborhood, we detoured down Greenway Drive, found a parking spot, and ventured into the chill night air on foot. Since the light balls have spread into nearby areas like a contagion — one far more agreeable than the covidz, of course — the night sky is full of them as far as the eye can see. We rambled to and fro for about a half-hour before returning to the vehicle, and then we headed to nearby WineStyles to enjoy a glass of wine each.

These are the UFOs over Greensboro.

Unhinged... Again!

It’s sad, but it sure feels like my old hometown is also home to a disproportionate share of unfortunate, not altogether stable individuals. A while back, my daughter encountered one who unnerved her mightily (see “The Tale of the Unhinged Door Bash Victim”). And there was yet another unsettling incident again today, possibly more traumatic than the first.

This afternoon, while here on one of my regular visits, I was out walking around the nearby lake area when Allison called and said a man had come up to the front porch and stolen her pack of cigarettes, which she'd left outside. I was close enough that, by stepping up my pace, I soon saw him semi-staggering in the middle of the road. I proceeded forth and expressed, with reasonable restraint, my disapproval of the whole trespassing and stealing thing. At this time he became quite belligerent. He proceeded to threaten me and suggested future threats. Now, at the time, I was not without means of self-defense, but I did not escalate the situation any further. Well... that's not entirely fair. Once he told me he'd burn down my house, I gave him a somewhat vivid description of the consequences, not necessarily legal. Then, however, I did disengage and called the cops to report the situation.

Shortly, I encountered an old friend from the neighborhood, who had heard the more heated portion of the exchange. Not long afterward, she actually saw him a bit farther on — still staggering down the middle of the road. By now, I had seen a couple of cops drive by, but they clearly had not interfered with his progress. However, after a while, they called me back to inform me that other people in the neighborhood had also reported him, and they'd be stepping up patrols, particularly over the holidays.

Obviously, none of this is about cigarettes. But someone brazen enough to come on private property and steal anything might well not stop there. At least the police are aware of this “gentleman,” and not just from me. (In the photo, that’s my daughter's cigarette lighter in his hand, not a weapon. As I mentioned above, at the time, I was not without means to defend myself.)

Now, as is my habit, I have second-guessed myself over and over, and I wonder if I shouldn't have simply acknowledged that he might be in a bad situation and offered whatever short-term assistance I could. Or simply let it go; maybe I should have reported him to the police without confronting him. But as my father’s brother once said to Dad, “You might not remember this, but our father had a temper!” Oh, yeah, Dad remembered, all right. And so do I. For me, letting go of the anger over someone trespassing and stealing — even if it’s only a lighter and a pack of cigarettes — is challenging. Especially when my daughter is in any way involved.

And yes, once threatened, I threatened him back. But when I finally disengaged, I parted with, “Tell you what. Keep the smokes, but do NOT trespass again.” With that he waved and wandered away.

I really, really hope I never see or hear about this “gentleman” ever again. For both our sakes.

Addendum 12/22/22: This person’s name is Robert Wilson. He apparently has a history of mental issues.

Have Yourself a Scary Little Christmas!

In the Gotta Do It Department: Plug my 2022 book releases for the holidays. These really are great gifts that will chill you year-round. My collection, Fugue Devil: Resurgence (Black Raven Books) features a dozen of my most frightening horror tales, including the original novelette, “The Fugue Devil” and its sequel, “The Devil’s Eye.” This one is not for sissies! NOTE: From NOW until DECEMBER 26, the Kindle edition is available for $2.99! Also available in paperback and limited hardback editions.

For the younger set — or adults who enjoy fun, creepy ghost stories — my latest entry in Elizabeth Massie’s Ameri-Scares series, Georgia: The Haunting of Tate’s Mill (Crossroad Press) is available in ebook and paperback editions. This one is set on the shores of Lake Sidney Lanier, long reputed to be haunted. Can these frightening stories of unexplainable things rising out of those deep, dark waters somehow be true?

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Fugue Devil: Resurgence
at Amazon.com

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Georgia: The Haunting of Tate’s Mill
at Amazon.com

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Experiment in Terror

I always enjoy putting up the Christmas decorations at the old homestead, a.k.a. Pleasant Hill, in Martinsville, but this year is going to be a little different. With my daughter, Allison, and her best pal, Cannoli, currently residing here, things may end up... interesting. You see, this is Cannoli's first Christmas, at least as a member of this family. He's plenty young and plenty full of vim and vigor, so it's a toss-up whether the tree and household decorations will survive the season (or even the first night). So far, he has shown a little curiosity about the colorful additions to the house, but he hasn't indulged any destructive impulses. Whether this relatively tranquil state of affairs lasts... well, it's anyone's guess.

Initially, I was thinking it might be well to forgo putting up the tree, but as Allison and I talked over our arrangements for the holidays, we decided to chance it. It is tradition, after all; in my six-plus decades of existence, there has never been a Christmas without a tree in this house. Of course, in my six-plus decades of existence, only when I was a wee young lad did a feline also occupy this dwelling. To the best of my recollection from those days, we suffered no cat vs. Christmas tree disasters. Here's hoping for an equally positive experience.

Cannoli: "do i eat it, climb it, or knock it down?"

A Wild Western Adventure Rooted in Medieval Legend

Guns of the Waste Land: Departure
by Leverett Butts
The first of four books in author Leverett Butts’s Guns of the Waste Land series, Departure takes off at lightning speed, introducing in its opening chapters a set of fascinating characters, whose roots in Arthurian legend eventually become clear. The novel’s structure—the narrative sometimes unfolding in first person, sometimes in third, sometimes in flashbacks—at first might seem a little jarring, but it not only holds together, it deepens the vivid character portraits.

Butts's painting of characters is priceless, with engaging dialogue, aptly accented for the time period and setting. Genuine laugh-out-loud moments during the interactions of Percy Murratt, Gary Wayne Orkney, Boris McAllister, Ardiss Drake, and others, are not rare; nor are passages of deep poignancy, expressed by an assured authorial voice.

Departure is not a long novel, but it is rich and jam-packed with both action and character-driven drama. I'm now anxious to dive into the following books in the series—Diversion, Dispersal, and Desinence. Departure feels very much like the prelude to an epic work, worthy of both admiration and study.

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Order Guns of the Waste Land: Departure from Amazon.com here.

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“Country of the Snake” — Recommended Reading

I’m very pleased to learn that editor Ellen Datlow has included my short story, “Country of the Snake” (Fright Train, Haverhill Press, 2021), on her recommended reading list for Best Horror of the Year Volume 14. Fright Train, edited by the Switch House Gang (Scott Goudsward, John McIlveen, Charles Rutledge, and Tony Tremblay), is a wonderful book all around, so I’m in seriously great company.

Check out Fright Train here. And Best Horror of the Year Volume 14 here.

A Merry Michigan Thanksgiving

It’s only been a couple of months since Ms. B. and I visited Michigan to see her parents and ramble about the Upper Peninsula (“Clusterfuckin’ Our Way to Michigan”), but with the holidays coming and Del & Fern no longer able to travel long distances, we decided to head northward to celebrate both Thanksgiving and an early Christmas with them. And rather than pay the exorbitant price of airline tickets for this time of year, we opted to motor up in the Ol’ Rodan mobile. We’ve made the trip in one swell foop before, but it’s at least a 12-hour drive, and we didn’t much care to do that again. So, we split up both the outbound and inbound trips by stopping overnight in Ripley, WV.

Friday, November 18–Saturday, November 19, 2022

Friday, after Kimberly got off work, we mounted up and hit the road. Once we put some distance between ourselves and NC’s Piedmont Triad, the usual highway insanity petered out, and we made it all the way to Ripley with only light traffic and nary a swear word from the driver (me). The temperature dropped steadily as we drove farther north, but we had excellent driving weather overall.

Saturday, we headed out fairly early. I snagged a token few geocaches, but we focused mainly on making steady forward progress. Just north of Toledo, OH, snow began to fall. At first, it was only scattered flurries, but as we drew nearer to Midland, the stuff began falling in earnest. The last 30 miles were slow and oftentimes slippery, but we made it to Casa di Brugger without mishap, the temperature at 22°F, the wind chill at or around –273°C. Yep.

Sunday, November 20, 2022

No more snowfall today, though several prior days of it have left a good three to four inches on the ground. This meant no going geocaching on the bicycle today — or probably this entire week. Sad. I spent most of the day working on a new editing project, the details of which will be forthcoming fairly soon. It’s safe to say it’s on the big side.

After lunch, Kimberly’s cousin, Chris, and his wife, Bonnie, whom we’d met on our trip here in September, popped by for a visit. Afterward, Ms. B. and I went downtown and hunted some serious dead critter for dinner, which we found at Molasses Smokehouse & Bar. A slab of brisket for me, some brisket tacos for the lady. They know how to smoke some critter at Molasses, and the portions are not wee. I brought some of that cow back in a box.

Afterward, we hustled a half a block through the bluster to Whichcraft Taproom, which offers exclusively Michigan-made spirits. Ms. B. had a glass of Gewürztraminer (pretty good, I’m told), and I tried a red called Left-Foot Charley Bluefrankenfish. Er... Blaufrankish. For local wines, these were satisfying. Then I found a geocache. Happy me! Finally, we made the usual pilgrimage to Meijer to acquire supplies. We had much to buy, for I am cooking the Thanksgiving dinner — distinctly non-traditional, at Del & Fern’s request: Chicken Marsala, which I’ve cooked for them before. And Kimberly is cooking braised beef sandwiches for tomorrow’s dinner.

We concluded a pleasant, mellow day with our much-cherish family time, mostly watching cooking shows. Unfortunately, both Del & Fern have developed fairly severe coughs. Lord knows whether it’s something contagious. Kinda hoping not...

It was a dry red, one-footed, flying blue frankenfish — sure looks strange to me.

Monday, November 21, 2022

Ms. B. is on her regular remote work schedule, so she got up relatively early and commenced working remotely. I had plenty of work to do on my latest editing project, so I got up relatively early and commenced working on my latest editing project. Mid-morning, Kimberly started a lovely flank steak cooking in the crockpot for our dinner of braised beef sandwiches.

It’s unusual for me to forego lunch, especially after a light breakfast; however, for whatever reason, I never got hungry midday, so I pulled myself together and went geocaching. Over our many trips here, I’ve found the majority of the existing geocaches in Midland, at least those that are fairly close to home base — especially after today. I picked up 19 (ten of which were stages of a pair of Adventure Lab caches). It wasn’t exactly warm outside, but it wasn’t bitterly cold or windy either, so the weather proved perfect for getting out and about. A few of the caches got me out in the woods, and one Adventure Lab offered a tour of Midland Municipal Cemetery, which I found especially attractive under a layer of snow.

Ms. B.’s dinner turned out excellent.

Old fellow near the toboggan run at Midland City Forest

Midland Municipal Cemetery

Frozen stream running through one of Midland's wooded neighborhoods

Tuesday, November 22, 2022

A lovely morning it turned out to be for hitting the geocaching trail: temps in the upper 30s, only a light breeze, and plenty of sunshine. After a couple of waffles and a bucket of coffee for breakfast (plus taking care of some pressing editorial business), out the door, I went. This morning’s target was the expansive Chippewa Nature Center, a short distance southwest of Midland proper, where I hoped to find an Adventure Lab cache and several traditional hides. Since I started geocaching in early 2008, I have averaged about 1,000 finds per year, and to keep up that streak, I need to reach 14,000 total finds by year’s end. For a while, achieving that goal appeared iffy, but over the past couple of months, I’ve managed to close steadily on it. With this trip, I think I’ve sewed it up. At the end of today’s outing, my total find count stood at 13,990, so all I need to find now is ten more. I may well manage that before we leave here on Friday.

I put in about three miles on the trail. Snow still coated the ground, but it didn’t impede hiking at all. Well... I did cross a fairly small, hard-frozen pond, only to have a section of ice collapse under my feet — but it was less than a foot deep, and my boots are sufficiently waterproof to keep my feet bone-dry. I consider this fortunate because, although the temperature was above freezing, soaked feet still would have made for some mighty ugly hiking. And it is well that I did not attempt to cross an expanse of clearly deeper water (which I actually thought about), for my epitaph would have read “It was a stupid way to go.”

Back at home base, Del & Fern had picked up some Chinese food for lunch, which wasn’t shabby.

Late in the afternoon, Ms. B. and I ventured downtown to run errands and engage in tomfoolery. Errands done, we sought interesting spirit concoctions, which we found at Three Bridges Distillery. I tried a smoked Rye Old Fashioned — pleasing enough, dramatically presented (see photo below) — and Ms. B. had a raspberry hibiscus lemonade vodka thingummy, which she found delightful. We did settle for only one drink each because we wanted to sample a couple of vintages at Grape Beginnings winery, just next door. Those vintages struck us as very good... very good indeed. And, as it turned out, Kimberly shared some Midland history with the owners of the establishment, and lively conversation ensued.

And, once done with our spirit outing, we returned to home base for our customary, very lovely family time. So far, neither Kimberly nor I have succumbed to the old folks’ cough bug. I hope our good fortune holds out, though I am not holding my breath...

Observation deck overlooking the Meron and Muskrat Marshes at Chippewa Nature Center

Meron Marsh — a little icy! — viewed from the tower

The "Sugar Shack"

Log cabin at the Chippewa Nature Center

An entertaining cache at one of the overlooks along the trail

The smoky vault of rye at Three Bridges Distillery in downtown Midland

Spirit Quest

Midland's Christmas decorations — up in full force

Wednesday, November 23, 2022

Again, I was out the door not long after the eyelids creaked open. A perusal of the geocaching map showed me what looked like a good route to snag the caches I needed to reach the 14,000-find milestone. I knocked out a nice, compact Adventure Lab cache in Sanford, just a few miles west of Midland, grabbed a few stand-alone caches, and then set my sights on a specific cache in Sanford, which I hoped to make my 14,000th find.

But... horrors!... I was unable to turn up the little fellow. Based on photos posted on the cache page, I’m quite certain it’s missing. Finding a good alternate hide took a couple of attempts, but... at last! Find #14,000, thus assuring my annual find average. At the end of the day, I had put in four miles of hiking.

Back at the barn, Del & Fern needed their gutters cleaned, so I offered my services. Their house is larger than ours, but it’s single-story, so it wasn’t a difficult job (plus they don’t have as many trees in close proximity to dump leaves directly on the house).

Afterward, Ms. B. and I made ourselves reasonably presentable and went downtown to Maru Sushi & Grill, which we’ve enjoyed on previous visits. I had the bulgogi donburi bowl, which was right good, but I was disappointed to find that their menu, particularly for sushi, has dwindled to bare bones. I suspect that supply issues and inflation have forced their hand here, but it seems a shame that this more upscale restaurant offers such a limited selection compared to their local, lower-priced competitors. Afterward, we headed over to the bar at nearby Gratzi Italian Restaurant and had a glass of wine each (a fantastic San Polo Tuscan for me, a Valpolicella Ripasso for the nice lady).

Still, Ms. B. and I are enjoying good health, though Del & Fern’s chronic coughing makes them sound like dueling Gaboras from Godzilla’s Revenge. Crossing fingers...

A recreated "village" at Sanford's Historical Museum

Old railroad cars in the village at the Sanford Historical Museum

Covered bridge at the museum. The horizontal sign to the right of the entrance marks the water level from the 2020 flooding following the collapse of two Tittabawassee River dams. Ms. B. and I were here at the time of the collapse.

Thursday, November 24, 2022

Old dude on the trail in Stratford Woods

As I mentioned above, geocaching in Midland is becoming more challenging simply because I’ve found almost all the caches in close proximity to Casa di Brugger. However, a few newer nearby hides still showed on my map, so this morning I went out to see if I could knock them off of it. One offered me a very nice walk through Stratford Woods, just a couple of miles down the road. I’ve cached there many times over the years, and today I found that, since my last trip there, at least some of the trails have been upgraded and there’s a new parking area at the trailhead. All good stuff. It was a pleasant hike, and the cache was a quick and easy find.

A couple of other caches lurked nearby, both a little more challenging, which I quite appreciated. My car might have been less happy about this, as it returned to home base considerably muddier than when it left.

As I mentioned somewhere in narrative above, Del & Fern had asked me to prepare something non-traditional for Thanksgiving, so I decided on Chicken Marsala over pasta. Once back from geocaching, I set right to work. Ms. B. served as sous-chef, and, between us, we whipped out one helluva good feast. We figure we’ll have turkey at Christmas, since we both quite enjoy our dead big bird.

After dinner, we exchanged early Christmas presents. Very generous goodies from the folks, and I hope they enjoy their offerings from us.

It’s our last full day for this Midland sojoun, and the plan as of now is to chill here with the family. I’m actually a little sore from several days of consistently rigorous exercise (I surely did need it). So far... both Kimberly and I show no sign of having caught the elder Bruggers’ bugs. They tested negative for the covidz, but I foresee doctor visits in the near future.

Anyhoo, I hope all of you who celebrate Thanksgiving enjoy the most wonderful feasting, fellowshipping, and funking out, in whatever way makes you happy.

View from the trail at Stratford Woods Park

Do you see the cache?

On the way to "I'm Not THAT Sadistic" (GC5T42F)

In the works: our non-traditional Thanksgiving feast

Chicken Marsala, plated and ready for the ravenous

Spirits of Appalaccia and More

Due to our hectic pre-Halloween schedule, we ended up making our traditional Fall excursion to the Blue Ridge Parkway a bit late this year. Since daughter Allison is staying at Pleasant Hill, the old Martinsville homestead, she came with us this year. However, due to our weekend scheduling, we didn’t get up at the ass-crack of dawn for the traditional breakfast at Mabry Mill (sadness!). Instead, we headed straight for Villa Appalaccia Winery, which is, without question, our favorite winery in our region. We took a picnic lunch and settled ourselves in our favorite spot, the enclosed garden terrace. (No, we are NOT creatures of habit or anything like that.) Excellent wine (their 2020 Dolcetto vintage is superb) and an excellent lunch. The company could be sour on occasion, but that’s kind of a given. (Ducking, running, etc.)

Then, also following long-held tradition, we scooted over to nearby Chateau Morrisette Winery and sampled a few more vintages. Their restaurant is still closed, as it has been since the onset of COVID-19, but we talked at length with one of the owner‘s sons, and we were happy to hear that there are plans to reopen it — sooner rather than later. I can’t wait.

So, another gratifying outing to the Blue Ridge, and better late than never. 

Owl Rock Revisited and I Say, Are You Blind?!

I’m sure it’s plain to those of you who pop by to visit now and again that many of my blogs are primarily for me to record events that I want to look back fondly upon, and this is one of those.

Actually, I wasn’t all that fond of the earlier hours of this morning, as a migraine set in soon after I dragged myself out of bed. On the upside, after the visual aura wore off, the headache was very mild, almost non-existent — which was good because I had geocaching on the schedule and lots of creative work to dive into afterward. I still have a bunch of that on the docket, so this won’t be a lengthy entry.

I was planning to hit the trail at Shallow Ford Natural Area to check on the presence/condition of one of my very old geocaches, which a geocacher had reported as possibly missing. However, a new cache was published this morning in Altamahaw, not far from Shallow Ford, so I detoured to it and claimed the almost-but-not-quite-coveted first-to-find honors. Then I made my way to Shallow Ford to check on “Owl Rock” (GC2HM9H), so named due to the stack of rocks someone put up along the trail many years ago; some say it doesn’t really look like an owl, but no comment. Happily, the cache wasn’t missing. It was right where it was supposed to be, but it did need a little cleaning up. Once I’d handled that chore, it occurred to me that there is an old hunting blind along the trail, and a cache had resided within it once upon a time. That one has been long archived, so I decided to put a new one in its place. It’s called “I Say, Are You Blind?!”, and I’m hoping the geocaching reviewer will be able to publish it sooner than later.

Afterward, since it was about lunchtime, I drove the short distance down to Simply Thai in Elon and tore into some delicious chicken lettuce wraps, which were screaming hot (I might have overdone the dumping of chili pepper oil on them). And then it was back to Casa di Rodan to continue taking care of business.

And now... see you later.

Old dude on the hunt in Altamahaw

I say, are you blind?!