Orange Bitters?!

I envy Brugger for having seen Alton Brown while she was in Michigan this past week. I've found him a font of great ideas and wit. But I tried his fucking martini, and I don't know what the hell, man. Orange bitters? Really?

Dude.

Alton Brown's Martini Recipe

Now, if you're not a drinker, this is not going to be your speed. But if you are... read on.

Me, I generally like my martini shaken, not stirred, not because of any 007 fetish, but because I prefer the drink aerated and very cold. I generally favor gin over vodka, although I'll do either/or, depending on mood (sometimes I'll do a 2:1 gin/vodka mix). Stirring leaves a slick, rather oily mouthfeel, and as a rule, it's never adequately chilled for my palate. Personally, I want the martini cloudy, aerated, and very dirty, with the heat of a habanero or ghost pepper dumped into it. I like mine more savory (hot peppers, olives) than fruity (lemon, orange, bitters). Unlike James Bond, I prefer an herbal vermouth to a citrusy Kina Lillet.

If you're feeling brave, try this: Damned Rodan's Dirty Firetini Recipe

Damned Rodan's Dirty Firetini

Apart from the occasional glass of wine, a fiery hot dirty martini is about the only thing I imbibe anymore. It's killer good, so here's my recipe; short, simple, and not even a little bit sweet.

Damned Rodan's Dirty Firetini
3 oz. vodka or gin (I usually prefer gin)
1 oz. extra dry vermouth
2 tbsp. olive brine
2–3 habanero-stuffed cocktail olives
1 hot pepper (ghost, habanero, or serrano
     are my favorite options)

Directions for One Drink:
Cut hot pepper in half. Drop the halves into a shaker filled with crushed ice; then pour in your vodka or gin, vermouth, and olive brine. Shake vigorously for about a minute. Strain into a chilled martini glass and drop in your olives. For an extra kick, spoon out the hot pepper sections and add them to the glass as well.

Warning: As with any Damned Rodan recipe, Spontaneous Human Combustion may result from even careful and conscientious consumption. Do not smoke cigarettes or imbibe this product near any open flame, inflammable materials, children, most animals (including hedgehogs, pygmy goats, and llamas), and overly sensitive individuals. Do drink responsibly.