I get a call from Nextel/Sprint, my cell phone provider. "Meester Rainey, you (garbled-in-background noise) decision-maker for (garbled-in-background noise) account, we like to give you offer to (garbled-in-background noise) can I have pin (garbled-in-background noise).
"What?"
Repeat the above, shuffle the garbled-in-background noise cues a couple of words to the left and right.
"Sorry, I can't understand a word you're saying. Learn English, call me from a quieter setting, and maybe then we'll talk." Click.
I have an idea, Mr. American CEO. You run an American company. A crap-load of American folks are looking for work. Instead of collecting 900 times the amount your lowest-paid worker makes, settle for 500 times. Give up half your bonus. Re-invest that sum in your company, and look at how many people in the U.S. you could put back to work—who could then stimulate the economy in realistic terms; in other words, in enterprises that the average American supports. Bring your foreign call centers back home and pay reasonably educated, English-speaking Americans to call on me. Maybe then I'll part with some of my hard-earned dollars to spread the wealth. Not until then, fuckhead. Far as I'm concerned, any individual who can't figure out how to make do with a few million dollars a year really ought not be breathing the same air as the rest of us anyway.
I did send a little missive to Sprint, by the way; the response was as frustrating-slash-hilarious as the original call (copied and pasted unedited): "I am sorry for the inconvenience caused to you when you receive the sales call and could not talked to our sales representative in detail due to the background noise. If you interested in any Sprint product, please reply in details. I provide you all the information regarding the services."
Semi-literacy roolz. Fuckheads rool. Yep.
