Saturday, July 20, 2013

The Siamese Cat's Weekend Guide... Getting Breakfast When Dad Doesn't Want to Get Out of Bed

  1. Sit on the pillow next to Dad's face and stare. Stare hard.
  2. Add an insistent purr to the stare.
  3. Gently boop Dad's nose with a paw. Repeat every thirty seconds or so.
  4. When Dad covers his head with the sheet, use paws and teeth to furiously tug the sheet back. Repeat as many times as necessary to keep the head from being permanently covered.
  5. Sing an aria about the repression of cats.
  6. Go back to staring and purring.
  7. Knock Dad's phone, glasses, and bottle of water off the nightstand.
  8. Urp up a hairball on the floor next to the bed.
  9. Stare and purr.
  10. Enlist the aid of other cats. Rile them by swatting them upside the head; Dad will find it impossible to ignore the resulting ruckus.
  11. Tear downstairs to the kitchen, resisting the temptation to trip Dad on the stairs.
  12. If Dad insists on making his coffee before feeding you, every time he takes a step, wriggle up under his feet. Take care to avoid the sloshing water. Add lots of yowling for effect.
  13. Enjoy your breakfast.

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