Sunday, September 30, 2012

Blue Devils, Caches, and Chicken Salad


Blue Devil Island the treatment, here: Rainey's Blue Devil Island Deftly Combines War and Horror Fiction. You can still get the beautifully produced paperback edition from Marietta Books from Amazon.com here. The original Five Star Books hardback is, alas, out of print.

I needed a hike something fierce today, as I haven't gotten in much extracurricular walking this week. So, I went out to nearby Keeley Park, one of Greensboro's newest recreational facilities, and hid a new geocache, called Frankenstein Conquers the World — yes, after the Toho monster pic (the two companion caches in the park are War of the Gargantuas: Sanda and War of the Gargantuas: Gaira). It wasn't a big hike by any stretch, but so choked with briers and poison ivy that I did get a pretty fair workout in the process.

I whipped up some chicken salad for lunch today, and damn if I didn't get to experimenting a bit: I hit it with some Dave's Ultimate Insanity, which isn't so much a hot sauce as a concentrated burst of liquid fire (about 250,000 Scoville units). Might as well give you my recipe, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Damned Rodan's Ultimate Chicken Salad
(Makes about four sandwiches)

What You Need:
  • 2 cooked chicken breasts, torn to bits
  • 3/4 cup mayonnaise
  • 1 dozen Trader Joe's jalapeno-stuffed olives, diced
  • 1 small onion, chopped
  • 2 stalks celery, chopped
  • 2 hard-boiled eggs, chopped
  • Tbsp. soy sauce
  • dash of powdered garlic
  • dash of celery salt
  • dash of powdered ginger
  • 3–4 drops Dave's Ultimate Insanity

What You Do:

Combine the ingredients in a big bowl and smash 'em up. Scoop some on sandwich bread. Eat. Scream.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

At Long Last, Megalon



Godzilla vs. Megalon (Gojira tai Megaro
, 1973)

DVD Description:
Released by Media Blasters/Tokyo Shock; additional material: none

Directed by Jun Fukuda

Starring: Katsuhiko Sasaki, Hiroyuki Kawase, Yutaka Hayashi, Robert Dunham, Kotaro Tomita

Rating:


For way too many years, Godzilla fans have eagerly awaited an officially sanctioned U.S. DVD release of Godzilla vs. Megalon — ironically, one of the most reviled entries in the Godzilla series. Till now, no licensed U.S. release has existed, so fans who have never availed themselves to the Japanese Region 2 DVD edition have made do with bootlegs; poor quality foreign editions; or unauthorized pan-and-scan versions (which several U.S. distributors released in the 1990s and early 2000s when they assumed the movie was in public domain; it wasn't, and Toho's near all-powerful attorneys had them all yanked). Media Blasters/Tokyo Shock had plans to release a deluxe package that included all kinds of extra material, as they did with the Destroy All Monsters release from last year; unfortunately, they had not received approval from Toho for the extras for either movie, so — once again — Toho's near all-powerful attorneys had the Destroy All Monsters discs yanked and stalled the release of Godzilla vs. Megalon until such time as a satisfactory licensing deal could be worked out. Tokyo Shock finally got approval to release a bare-bones DVD of Megalon with no extra features, and that's what we currently have in circulation. A Blu-ray edition is in the works that is to include the extensive extras, but it won't be hitting the market for some time yet.

I saw the U.S. theatrical release of Godzilla vs. Megalon in 1976 at the drive-in theater in my old hometown. My younger brother accompanied me, and I'm not sure he's ever forgiven me the experience. It's not my least favorite of the Godzilla movies... but, to be sure, it's damn near at the bottom of the list.

Toho made Megalon during the one of Japanese film industry's worst economic downturns, and the movie advertises that fact in big neon letters. Like Godzilla's Revenge and Godzilla vs. Gigan before it, Megalon comes loaded with stock footage, and the new special effects scenes are, for the most part, sparser than sparse. There are a few exceptions, such as an impressive sequence where Megalon destroys a dam and smashes a bridge. Visually, the movie does benefit from very colorful, widescreen cinematography and quite a few spectacular explosions, courtesy of special effects director Teruyoshi "Mr. Pyrotechnics" Nakano. The monster wrestling matches have some entertainment value, though, by and large, they're simply silly — particularly the empty suit flinging and distinctly non-giant-monsterish hopping and flopping about, as the critters are wont to do. The Godzilla suit is one of the worst ever, being quite scrawny with a muppet-style face and balloon-like feet and dorsal fins. Megalon is the neatest looking one of the bunch — a giant, anthropomorphic insect, more or less — but, sadly, in execution, it is mostly a big buffoon. A shame, it is.

As with a number of the later Showa-era Godzilla movies, the story is nothing to get excited about. Numerous nuclear tests have done serious damage to a mysterious undersea kingdom known as Seatopia, so — rather than reveal their existence and say "hey, knock it off!" to the surface dwellers — the Seatopians decide to send their guardian monster Megalon up from the depths to wipe out humanity. To accomplish this, they require the use of a robot called Jet Jaguar (to act as Megalon's guidance system, so to speak), created by inventor Goro Ibuki (Katsuhiko Sasaki). Ibuki lives with his little brother Roku-san (Hiroyuki Kawase) and friend Jinkawa (Yutaka Hayashi); Seatopian agents attempt to eliminate the lot of them in order to take control of the robot, but they manage to escape, and Goro overrides Jet Jaguar's altered programming by using his personal remote control unit. He sends Jet Jaguar to Monster Island to fetch Godzilla, who happily agrees to come whoop some Seatopian ass. In response, the Seatopians call on their friends from Space Hunter M Nebula and ask them to send the monster Gigan around to help out their own big critter. Jet Jaguar, evidently possessed of unfathomable technological skills, grows to gigantic size to better match its rivals. Together, Jet Jaguar and Godzilla get into a big old scrap with the villainous critters and — believe it or not — eventually get the better of them.

To me, the most satisfying daikaiju movies are the ones in which the producers' approach is based on the idea that "if the world of giant monsters existed, it would be like this." Godzilla vs. Megalon is not one of these. It's one of those in which the producers say, "Well, no, giant monsters don't exist, so we can just throw in any old shit we want to." This is not to say I don't enjoy this more lighthearted, kid-friendly approach; I do. It's just that it's a cheap and easy way to avoid constructing or relying on any sort of internal logic. Perhaps the most ridiculous example of this is Jet Jaguar growing to Godzilla's height, which Goro, its inventor, explains by saying, well, he must programmed himself to grow — as a survival mechanism. Yeah, all right. I know, it's a Godzilla movie, but still....

Godzilla vs. Megalon does contain what must surely be one of the most bizarre schemes ever devised by its protagonists. In order to reclaim their laboratory from the Seatopian agent who has taken it over, Goro and Roku-san visit a hobby store and "borrow" a large, radio-controlled F-86 Sabre jet model. When they return to the lab, they knock out the external video surveillance system, and when the Seatopian agent comes outside to see what's happened, Roku-san lets fly the model plane, which boops the agent in the head, knocking him senseless long enough for them to get back inside. Perhaps a brick would have been simpler...?

Back when the movie was first released, I quite hated Riichiro Minabe's musical score, having been so accustomed to Akira Ifukube's majestic monster themes. Nowadays, I actually enjoy Minabe's jazzy, lounge-lizard-style music, both on its own merit and because its dated quality helps place the movie firmly within its unique historical context. When I listen to daikaiju soundtrack music, it's actually one of the scores I listen to most.

The Tokyo Shock DVD, for a bare-bones release, is pretty much okay. The print and transfer quality is quite good — a darn sight better than anything we've seen before on this side of the water, perhaps save the widescreen print that the Sci-Fi Channel aired a good many years ago, which I did have recorded on VHS tape. It would be nice to have the extra features, but for the moment, I'm pretty content to get the movie itself in decent quality. It's not as if I'm going to be watching it very frequently anyway....

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Fun Blood


And more on the subject of vampires....

If you've checked in here recently, you've no doubt seen my little blurbs for Young Blood: Evil Intentions, a new indie vampire flick made by Martinsville natives Myron and Mat Smith, both nephews of my longtime Martinsville classmate Sarah Smith. Back in March, I had been on the set to appear as an extra (see Young Blood: The Movie, March 9, 2012). The premiere was last night at the Rives Theater in uptown Martinsville — the same theater where I saw the vast majority of the most memorable monster pics of my youth — so Kimberly and I rode up from Greensboro after work to make a blood-filled evening of it.

First stop was Rania's Restaurant, one of my favorite venues in town, where we met Sarah, her brother Dod, our mutual friend Susan Fleenor, and some of their respective families and friends. Oh, my gracious me — look! Sarah is a vampire! Wait... there are other vampires at the table. How cool is that? Unlike some bloodsuckers, Brugger and I do drink wine; in this case, a most delightful 2008 Ecco Domani Pinot Noir.

Then it's on to the Rives theater, just around the block, where we find a long line has gathered well before showtime. Here, I run into an old friend from childhood, Pete Wells, now a Georgia native, as well as Young Blood poster artist — and former Deathrealm contributor — Leon Atkinson. In fact, it's a sold-out show, as a fair percentage of Martinsville has turned out for the event.

Here's the story: "Raised in a torn home, young Anavey discovers she has the ability to make big changes, with even bigger consequences. She, with the loyal help of her little sister Anastasia, form an army of young, blood-thirsty vampires to kill all the adults. No one is safe, especially the girls' mother, Olivia (Rebecca Kidd), and their abusive, overbearing stepfather, Dale Buckmeyer (Myron Smith). Will Anavey’s dreams become a reality? Will Anastasia escape the cult before it’s too late? Will the angry mob put an end to the insanity?"

In old-timey roadshow fashion, the movie opened with a classic Popeye cartoon, followed by an MPAA-style warning that the following movie "most likely would have been rated R." And aye, that it would. Young Blood is a screaming hoot from start to finish, with over-the-top performances, over-the-top sight gags, plenty of local scenery, a perfect musical score, and a few brief appearances by ye old dude, including a little ad-libbed speaking role. The young leads, Autumn Ward and Zoë Cox, are absolutely engaging. Without a doubt, one of the movie's standout features is Troma Entertainment actor Lloyd Kaufman as an alcoholic newscaster, who periodically breaks into the film to report on the shocking events happening in the little town of Martindale, VA. His interplay with Star News reporter Dick "DICK!" Jansen is beyond priceless — and his final appearance at the climax literally stops the show, which rightly brought the house down. Now, having had a little hand in this movie and knowing many of the people involved in its production, my view is anything but objective, but suffice it to say I had the best time at the premiere, and I imagine that just about anyone with a love for indie horror flicks — and a keen sense of humor — will find Young Blood a monstrously enjoyable vampire outing. I'm not sure when the DVD release will be available, but I'll post the info when I get it.

Young Blood: Evil Intentions stars Autumn Ward, Zoë Cox, Rebecca Kidd, Myron Smith, Brett Smith, Cletus Earles, Robert Hobbs, Cindy G. Price, and Rita J. Smith, who are all Martinsville natives. Lloyd Kaufman (Troma Entertainment), Dick Jansen (Star News), Count Smokula, Butch Patrick (The Munsters), Sal “The Vampire Santa” Lizard, Jamison Newlander (The Lost Boys), and Sierra Holmes (Piranha 3DD) make special guest appearances in the movie.
The kids in Martindale, VA, are acting strangely. Some of them are becoming little blood-sucking
hellions intent on ridding the community of the adults who oppress them.
Anastasia and Anavey take no guff.
The townspeople become unruly.
Don't cross these young'uns, or you may find yourself with a knife in your eye (or your feet
being carried off by housecats).

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Long Shadows

Cast of Dark Shadows, the original ABC-TV series
You do know I'm a nut for Dark Shadows, right? I grew up on the original TV show; watched portions of it again in the 1970s and 1980s when it was syndicated; viewed the entire series in the early 1990s when it aired on the Sci-Fi Channel; wrote one novel for the HarperCollins book series (and one unofficial novel); and scripted three of recent Dark Shadows audio dramas for Big Finish, which star members of the original series' cast. I attended several of the annual Dark Shadows festivals, mostly in the late 1990s/early 2000s, and was fortunate enough to meet quite a few of the surviving stars. Then there were the two original theatrical movies based on the series (House of Dark Shadows and Night of Dark Shadows), the 30-plus novel series written by Marilyn (Dan) Ross in the 1960s and 1970s, the 1990 revival series, and, most recently, the Tim Burton/Johnny Depp Dark Shadows (which, unfortunately, I damn near loathed; not because it wasn't the Dark Shadows of old, but because it rightly stank on its own merit).

You think I've had enough Shadows for one lifetime? Well, of course not.

Actually, it's been over 15 years since I've watched any significant number of the original series episodes. When I was working on the novel(s) and audio dramas, I put on a few now and again to refresh my memory, but mostly I referred to Pomegranate Press's rich library of Dark Shadows books and various online resources to get the details right. Frankly, during the time I went whole hog into the creative work, I was too caught up in the business end of things to think much about the franchise from the perspective of a mere fan — a fact I've often lamented, despite the joy I took in the writing. After I watched the Burton film, I realized just how vague many of my recollections of the old series really are. Thus, I decided, it was high time to give the show another look from a very much refreshed perspective.

Yep. A few months back, I started running Dark Shadows from the very beginning, with the intent of watching all 1,225 episodes, however long it might take. Yes, I know... for many diehard fans, that means big whoop, since they've been watching, discussing, critiquing, and deconstructing the show over the course of many complete runs. That kind of devotion hasn't been my lifelong desire, although I do admit to believing that if you've lived a good life and said your prayers every night, when you die, you'll go to Collinwood. That's the way it ought to be, anyway.

So, I'm a few hundred episodes in, during the early period when Barnabas Collins (Jonathan Frid) is at his most evil. When I was a kid, of course, it was the whole vampire business that excited the living crap out of me, but watching it now, Barnabas Collins — cold, two-faced, murderous predator — is really quite disturbing. Naturally, being daytime television in the 1960s, there wasn't much graphic about it, and though the actors played it very seriously, you could safely let your kids watch it without fear they'd be damaged for life (although, back then, some particularly sensitive souls did persist in attempting to get the show banned because it just might have ruined your young'uns forever and forever). Later on, of course, Barnabas became far more even-tempered and sympathetic, even heroic. So much the better, I suppose, but even now, I find Barnabas, dark, powerful, and unrepentant, far more fascinating than brooding, tortured, sometimes wishy-washy Barnabas.
Elizabeth Collins Stoddard (Joan Bennett), Roger Collins (Louis Edmonds),
Jason McGuire (Dennis Patrick)
Although I recollected the show's pre-Barnabas days as being pretty good, this time around, I was particularly struck by how well the distinctly non-supernatural storylines held up. Early on, Louis Edmonds, as Roger Collins, had a much more prominent presence than in later days, and he truly chewed up the scenery, particularly in his confrontations with Burke Devlin (Mitch Ryan), who was out to ruin him (for wholly justifiable reasons, I might add). I enjoyed watching Roger go on a rampage more than Barnabas putting the bite on someone. In fact, when Barnabas first came round, the storyline of Jason McGuire (Dennis Patrick) and his sidekick Willie Loomis (originally James Hall, then John Karlen) blackmailing Elizabeth Collins Stoddard (Joan Bennett) for a murder she never actually committed was just wrapping up. Oftentimes, the episodes alternated between these two subplots, and the more true-to-life blackmail story far outshone the budding vampire tale. I rather hated to see Jason McGuire meet his demise, for he was truly a fine villain. (For what it's worth, Dennis Patrick returns as Paul Stoddard way down the line, and he's quite excellent in that part, as well; I do look forward to that point in the series.)

I manage to catch a few episodes here and there, so this full run may be a couple of years in the making, who knows. In any event, an awful lot of that old Dark Shadows excitement, which fell by the wayside while I was involved in the business of writing Shadows, has come rushing back. Warts and all — and yes, there are many of them, oftentimes hilarious — Dark Shadows retains much of the sheer imaginative power that enthralled me all those many years ago. Indeed, it has been one of the constants of my creative life. It's magic, that's what it is.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Young Blood Premieres September 21

A concerned old citizen grumping on the set of Young Blood: Evil Intentions
Back in March of this year, I made a little trip up to Martinsville, VA, my old hometown, to be an extra in the indie vampire flick, Young Blood: Evil Intentions, made by local filmmakers Mat and Myron Smith (see "Young Blood: The Movie," March 9, 2012). At last, the movie premieres at the Rives Theater in uptown Martinsville on September 21, at 9:00 PM. Tickets are $7.00, but only limited quantities remain. (There are additional screenings Saturday, Sept. 22, and Sunday, Sept. 23.) Tickets may be purchased at the following locations in Martinsville and Eden, NC:
  • Screamin InkTattoo - 625 N. Bridge St., Eden, NC (336) 623-2205
  • Woodall's Music - 2163 Virginia Ave., Collinsville, VA (276) 647-1973
  • Stafford's Music - 1320 S. Memorial Blvd., Martinsville, VA 24112 (276) 656-1555
  • What's Your Sign? - 27 E. Church St., Martinsville, VA (276) 632-0576
You can also purchase tickets on www.amazonpayments.com. Make payments to Smithstonia Videography & Graphic Designs.

Young Blood: Evil Intentions stars Autumn Ward, Zoe Cox, Rebecca Kidd, Myron Smith, Brett Smith, Cletus Earles, Lloyd Kaufman (Troma Ent.), Dick Jansen (Star News), Robert Hobbs, Cindy G. Price, Rita Smith, Count Smokula, Butch Patrick (The Munsters), Sal “The Vampire Santa” Lizard and Jamison Newlander (The Lost Boys).

"Raised in a torn home, one girl discovers she has the ability to make big changes, with even bigger consequences. Anavey Winchester (Autumn Ward), with the loyal help of her innocent little sister Anastasia (Zoe Cox), form an army of young, blood-thirsty vampires to kill all the adults. No one is safe! Will Anavey’s dreams become a reality? Will Anastasia escape the cult before it’s too late? Will the angry mob put an end to the insanity?"

And... ye trailer:

Monday, September 10, 2012

Cybernocturnalism at Servante of Darkness

A few weeks back, writer/reviewer Anthony Servante sent me a set of interview questions to answer for a blog article titled "Cybernocturnalism," a discussion about the world of e-book publishing. Three other authors (Lisa Morton, Ray Garton, and John Shirley) took part in the interviews, and the blog has gone live as of today. Tis here, for your persual: Cybernocturnalism: Horror, SF, and Noir. Words and Sounds for the Living.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

THE MONARCHS Is at The Crossroad

No, they're not of the royal family or even a bunch of butterflies. The Monarchs is my most recent completed novel, which has been officially accepted by Crossroad Press for release late this year or early next. The book is scheduled for both e-book and paperback editions. Needless to say, I will post status updates regularly.

Here's a little teaser for you.

After her husband murders their daughter and then commits suicide, Courtney Edmiston, devastated and homeless, accepts an invitation to move in with her old college friend, Jan Blackburn. Jan lives with her brother, David, and eccentric Aunt Martha in the town of Fearing, North Carolina, at the edge of the Dismal Swamp. The Blackburn family has suffered its own recent tragedies — and Courtney learns that Jan and David have more than their share of enemies in the town. Because of her association with them, Courtney soon finds Fearing a very dangerous place to live. Certain members of the Surber family, who once worked for the Blackburns, hold a deep grudge against Jan and David and, on several occasions, attempt brutal acts of violence against them. Courtney, determined to help her friend in her own time of crisis, sets out to broker a peace but instead becomes more deeply mired in the bitter feud. 

For reasons Courtney cannot comprehend, many of the townspeople fear old Martha Blackburn. However, she begins to understand why when Martha threatens the Surbers with swift retribution — by way of a ghostly entity known as the Monarch — and gruesome death does indeed visit the Surbers. And to her horror, Courtney, caught between the two feuding families, at last becomes the focus of Aunt Martha’s fury.

In desperation, two of the Surber brothers abduct Courtney and Jan and threaten to kill them unless the Blackburns meet their demands. Instead, Martha unleashes the horrific Monarch against her family's rivals. And Courtney, whom Martha now considers an enemy, becomes as much a target for its inhuman wrath as the remaining members of the treacherous Surber family....

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Damned Rodan Visits Dr. Evil


Picked up geocache number 5,000 today, plus a few extra for good measure. The big one was a particularly enjoyable hide — "Dr. Evil Visits Mebane" (GC2B9TZ) — which leads one into places that at least some sensible persons of my acquaintance simply won't venture. I never claimed to be all that sensible, but I sure enjoyed this little underground adventure with Ms. Bridget, a.k.a. Suntigres, who accompanied me to make sure I came back out. Figuring out the best way to access the beast took some doing; I will say that I found a novel use for a light stick to guide us once we got down there.

Spiders? Oh, yes, quite a few. Happily, most were not of the gigantic, hairy variety that give old Rodan the shudders, and they were readily dealt with. Reaching the cache actually proved a bit less physically taxing than I expected, for which my back thanks the very considerate cache owner (some of those tight pipes have given me lingering backaches that I haven't much appreciated).

A very decent Mexican lunch followed, and then we got humiliated. Yep. We visited "Humiliation" (GC32J40) at a nearby playground, which required a couple of full-grown adults to undertake an adventure on the kiddie slide. More challenging than Dr. Evil? Well, I dunno, but we both felt horrible, shamed, low, and even downright dirty as we claimed our smileys on this one.

Caching completed, we met up with Ms. Kimberly to visit GlenMarie and Irongate Vineyards, which involved the hideous suffering of sitting and relaxing with some excellent wine. Topping it off, an excellent Thai dinner at Simply Thai in Elon, which has become one of my favorite Asian restaurants.

No telling whether I'll find another 5,000 caches in this lifetime — quite a few geocachers of my acquaintance have numbers up in the 10,000–30,000+ range — but as long as there are plenty of smileys to be had, I figure I'll traipse out after them. The activity has sure done wonders for conquering a few phobias. Now, if only there were a cache to fix my deep dread of politicians....

Old Rodan at the access point.
Suntigres conquers her fear of humiliation! (GC32J40)
One of GlenMarie Vineyards' resident alpacas

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Natural High

Beth and Cortney... Yeah,
they're stayin' alive.

Little boosts my spirits more than spending an activity-packed, slightly long weekend with some of the finest maniacal mutants the unnatural world has ever produced. So, on Thursday evening, Ms. Kimberly and I packed up and hit the road, bound for Skeeryvilletown, VA (a.k.a. Waynesboro) — the lair of the dreaded Cortney Skinner-Elizabeth Massie pair. From Greensboro, we had a pleasant drive up U.S. 29, and then, just shy of Waynesboro, we turned off onto Route 6 to make our way up the dark, treacherous bulk of Afton Mountain. (It's nearly as scary as traveling on the Jerry Falwell Memorial Highway.) Safely at our destination, we spent the remainder of the evening sipping Barbera wine from NC's Brandon Hills Vineyards, catching up on all things that required catching up on.

'Tis far better to have a Friday off work than to go to work. It was up relatively early and off to Starbucks for breakfast — an insidious, potentially contagious Massie-Skinner tradition. Then off for some geocaching — we targeted about a dozen. The highlight of the day just might have been a visit to Veritas Vineyards on Afton Mountain, where we enjoyed a picnic lunch on the sprawling, scenic grounds, in the company of the vineyard's very friendly and well-behaved dog. Brugger and I sampled some of the vineyard's dry reds; Mr. Skinner fulfilled his daily requirement of stainless steel with an unoaked Chardonnay; and Ms. Massie overdid it with a carbonated, dark amber vintage from an altogether different establishment, a.k.a. Pepsi.

In the early evening, the four of us met Horrorworld.org maven, Nanci Kalanta; her sinister spouse, Phil; and horror author Matthew Warner at El Puerto Mexican Restaurant for a lively and very satisfying dinner. (El Puerto's tacos diablo, advertised as very hot, proved delicious but did require a few extra shots of habanero sauce to suit my palette.) As might be expected in this company, much horror and hilarity ensued.

Then... oh, my lord... back to the ranch to watch the short film Abed, made by Jenny Lasko, Philip Nutman, and Ryan Lieske, based on Beth's short story, which originally appeared in the anthology Still Dead (edited by John Skipp and Craig Spector, Bantam, 1992). Truly, the most graphic, sanity-stretching zombie film my innocent little eyes have ever beheld. Not sure I'll ever be quite the same, and there's certainly no knowing the long-term ramifications for my sex life. The antidote for this brain-searing horror was 1973's snake-fest, Ssssssss, starring Dirk Benedict, Heather Menzies, Strother Martin, Richard B. Shull, and Tim O'Connor. I had seen this at the theater when it came out all those happy years ago, and back then, it kind of messed up my poor little mind. This time, the only casualty might have been Brugger's good sense.


Alas, as all fun things must end, yesterday morning, after yet another Starbucks' breakfast and a handful of local caches, Kimberly and I ventured southward to Natural Bridge, VA, to view one of the most spectacular natural formations in the world. I had been there a number of times in the past, the first being the summer of 1974; this was Brugger's first visit. It's still as breathtaking as it was the first time I saw it. It rises 215 feet above Cedar Creek, made of solid gray limestone, 40 feet thick and 100 feet wide, spanning a gorge of 90 feet. The bridge itself is estimated to weight about 72 million pounds, and is in the neighborhood of 500 million years old. In 1750, George Washington carved his initials in the rock wall beneath the bridge, and they can still be clearly seen today. Thomas Jefferson purchased the bridge and 157 surrounding acres from King George III in the year 1774, for twenty shillings of "good and lawful money" (a little over $2 in today's currency). There are certainly more tourist attractions around the bridge than when I was a kid — such as a wax museum and a Styrofoam replica of Stonehenge called "Foamhenge" — but the natural grandeur of the place is still beyond impressive. Photographs cannot do the bridge justice.

Our lunch was at the nearby Pink Cadillac Diner, which does indeed feature a pink Cadillac out front (along with a geocache), a giant statue of King Kong, a bronze Elvis, and lots of other gaudy goodies. Damn good meatloaf.

And today, it was out to the trail to place a new geocache. It might be a tough one. It's called Darth Fox....

Click images to enlarge.
Ahh, nuts.
Creeple people at Veritas Vineyards, Afton Mountain, VA
At El Puerto Mexican Restaurant: this very scary man would not leave us alone
Brugger playing the bizarro Fay Wray.
Apt sign at the Pink Cadillac Diner.
Creepy creepers at the McCormick Farm, near "Don't Fear the Reaper" (GC28RCC)

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Synchronicity

Here's the story. There's this dude I keep seeing driving by in his car. Every time he drives past, by sheer coincidence, I happen to be with Kimberly. Not only that, whenever he drives by, Kimberly is engaged in the process of swatting me a good one. Now, I'm told this happens because I've said something that deserves a good swatting. Here and now, however, let it here be known: when I say something, it's because it's something that ought to have been said. But you know how things go; sometimes things that ought to have been said get misconstrued as things that maybe, really, ought not have been.

So a little while ago, I saw the dude drive by, but Kimberly wasn't here to swat me. Ergo, I must have said something. I'll find out later what it was.

Carry on.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Kingdom of the Spiders


After work, Kimberly and I paid a visit to the very nice Bistro B Wine Bar in Kernersville, then headed over to Prissy Polly's Barbecue for a geocaching event honoring Christopher "Ranger Fox" Hall for achieving a momentous milestone — having found 30,000 geocaches. Whoa, and all. From there, she and I headed up to Lake Brandt to go on an enjoyable nighttime hike on the Laurel Bluff Trail, where my night cache, "The Missing: Dweller in Darkness" (GC3G3N7), resides. I wanted make sure the reflector trail was in good condition — it was — but mainly it was just a good night to go out on a hike and commune with spiders. For oh, my lord, they are out there in force. Big ones, little ones, teeny ones, giant ones. The forest was absolutely brilliant with their glowing eyes in the beams of our lights. Some were bright enough to mistake for reflective fire tacks — and perhaps ironically, those that glowed brightest belonged to the smallest spiders. We did come upon the second-biggest spider in the world's third largest cousin, pictured above, which made Kimberly holler. Some of you probably heard it. (The biggest spider in the world lives over in Burlington; my friend Paul found it on a caching outing one night a few years ago, and he's been in recovery ever since.) The spiders didn't bother me, but I did fuss a bit when I found a slug crawling on me. Gooshy.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Illegimate Rape?


If you're a regular visitor around these parts, you know that I very, very rarely wade into politics and emotion-charged social issues. Not because I don't have strong positions on such matters but because commentary is bleepin' everywhere; you can't get away from it — though way too much of it is simply gross regurgitation of meaningless sound bites. More than anything, there are limited hours in the day, and mine are usually pretty damn full. Posting on political topics most often leads to yet more emotionally charged "discussion," which, should I  go whole-hog into it, eats up ridiculous amounts of time and usually just pisses me off.

In the case of the very recent, very stupid remarks by Congressman Todd Akin (R, MO), however, I'm going to make an exception and express some personal feelings. Feel free to respond if you wish, but if you're just going to blurt out crap like, "Well, you liberals think blah blah blah," you might as well not bother. First and foremost, I'm hardly a dyed-in-the-wool liberal. Nor am I anywhere near a staunch conservative. I hate labels. Opposing sides on many complex issues oftentimes bring well-considered points to the table, and rarely are they as cut-and-dry as partisan sound bites portray them. My own problem is that I try to educate myself on the various sides of just about every issue, and the information overload drives me freaking mad. But that's a whole 'nuther issue anyway.

As for Congressman Akin, I'm sure you know what he said about pregnancies resulting from rape, but here's the primary offending remark: “It seems to me, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. But let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work or something: I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be of the rapist, and not attacking the child."

Legitimate rape. Now there's a fine term. That, to me, appears to stem from a condescending — if not contemptuous — attitude toward women. As if there's such a thing as "illegitimate" rape. While Akin claims he "misspoke," I don't buy it. I think his off-the-cuff remarks expressed exactly what he thought. My real problem here is less about Akin as an individual than the socially conservative mindset of which he is representative.

First and foremost, I, as a male, can only imagine the trauma of a rape, particularly one that results in an unwanted pregnancy. Same goes for Akin and every other male lawmaker, on whichever side of the political aisle. But I'm going beyond this single example to express some thoughts on abortion overall. My main thought on the topic is this: if you're a conservative and favor smaller government, then you and your lawmakers should butt the hell out of the issue. Leave the decision to made by individual women and their doctors.

Or do you believe that they are simply too stupid to know better than you what they should do? Some conservative, you.

In situations where a woman has been raped, or has a fetus that is not viable outside the womb, or faces a life-threatening situation, a state that denies her the right to make her own choice is absolutely monstrous. Yes, I am aware that there are at least some conservatives who would make exceptions in those extreme cases, and I applaud them. But particularly as of these past couple of years, the voices of those who would make no exceptions have clearly increased, if not in number, then in the shrillness of their trumpeting.

Now, from a simply rationalistic perspective, I don't buy personhood beginning at conception. What you have there is a mass of cells that, without interference, will eventually develop into a human being. Life, yes, but not a full-fledged, aware, and — dare I say it — soul-possessing human being. That said, psychologically, for a woman — and an involved male partner — the decision to have an abortion is murderous enough (pardon the crass expression). Indeed, if my significant other were in the position of having to make such a decision, I don't know whether I could handle the trauma of terminating the life inside her.

But it's not my body. It's not for me to say how she can or cannot deal with it. A woman should have the freedom to deal with it as her conscience guides her. You tell me, is that not the true conservative ideal?

Okay, yeah, well, I know, we've got to protect those precious babies, right? And the Bible says to be fruitful and multiply, yes? While I am anything but a social Darwinist, I am a pragmatist. Back in those fabulous days of yore, the earth was an almost infinite place; as an added bonus, disease and pestilence made for effective population control. You needed to multiply in order to assure a future for your family, your community, your civilization.

Nowadays? Eh... not so much. We're a species struggling to find room to thrive. We fight for our limited resources. We're living longer. So we're eating the earth. Quite frankly, when it comes down to it, I favor the rights of those who are already here. Little, to me, is more wicked than forcing a new life into this world, particularly when, in the interest of your own selfish well-being, you don't want to put your money where your mouth is and take care of the young one that might otherwise have been aborted — and you sure as hell don't want to be made to share by the government.

If you are absolutely anti-abortion, and you have adopted or sponsored a child that would have been aborted, then you are saintly, and your existence is worthy. You are a true philanthropist. However, if you would force a woman to have an unwanted child, to likely perpetuate that which you find so offensive — a human being that the odds do not favor becoming a productive, positive member of society — and you are not actively supporting the life that would have been terminated otherwise, you are simply talking out your ass and really not worth the time of day.

All that said, none of this should be construed as meaning I favor abortion. I absolutely do not. I do not condone abortion simply because a baby is inconvenient. Even in a worst-case scenario, if a woman makes the choice to keep a baby conceived by rape or incest — or even has the baby and offers it for adoption — then that is clearly wisdom. More power to her; it's the most likely means of preventing deep regret later. I do not feel she should be forced into that situation.

And that, as they say, is that, from the old prehistoric radioactively mutated flying rubber reptile, who is now going to go back to writing a novel.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Do You Seawell?


Today was the perfect day for lots of outdoor activities — you know, visiting wineries, having picnic lunches, hiking in the woods, geocaching, getting really small, and being menaced by man-eating trees. That was very much the day for Ms. B. and Damned Rodan. After a work week that just about did us poor old folk in, we set our sights on relaxing a bit in Chapel Hill — via Benjamin Vineyards and Winery near Saxapahaw, a ways south of Burlington. We had been to Benjamin once before and very much enjoyed the setting and the products, and when Groupon again offered a good deal on their fare, we opted to make use of it. They don't have an extensive catalog, but like so many of the local vineyards, the wines they do produce are of very good quality. They offered three white varieties, three dry reds, and four semi-dry to sweet types. I was quite taken with their Chambourcin and Norton, and though I'm generally not fond of white wines, I enjoyed their 2009 oaked Chardonnay. We had a picnic lunch in their picturesque little cedar grove, and then set out for Chapel Hill — with some caching along the way, of course.

Once in Chapel Hill, it was onto the very extensive trail system in the woods along Seawell School Rd. The most noticeable feature of these woods, at least this season, were the gigantic mushrooms, growing in profusion everywhere we went. Claimed several caches on the fairly lengthy hike, bringing my total to 4,936. Five-thousand is getting so close....

Click on the images to enlarge.
I didn't see it sneaking up on me. Really, I didn't. Don't know how I managed to get away from that one.
Brugger made a similarly lucky escape.
Some of the teeny-tiny fungus among us.
Brugger guards trail while ol' Rodan goes after cache.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Hydro Fox

Bridge over the Polecat Creek, Randolph County, NC, seen from near "Hydro Fox" (GC3TP19)
Nice afternoon of caching with Bridget "Suntigres" Langley down in Randolph County. A few new ones came out today, mostly tribute caches to Christopher "Ranger Fox" Hall, who has joined the ranks of those scant few geocachers who have logged over 30,000 cache finds. Bridget and I met up in Liberty and booked over toward Randleman, where we discovered a very scenic and marginally creepy area around Polecat Creek (yep) — plus a couple of caches, of course. We ended up hiking what started as a little gravel drive and then became a windy little trail that led to the dam near Creekridge Country Road. There we discovered a ramshackle house on stilts that doesn't appear to be much longer for the earth, as well as a mysterious little place that, in appearance, wasn't unlike the cabin in Sam Raimi's The Evil Dead. We didn't hear any ghostly voices, though. Just some dogs barking at the ghosts.

I'm nowhere near 30,000 caches and probably never will be, not in this lifetime, but as of today, my total count is 4,925. Five-thousand, here I come.

Today would have been my 26th wedding anniversary. I'm very pleased that life has taken me in different directions than I would have ever expected all those years ago, but there are a lot of good memories from that long marriage. I hope it's mutual.

And it's to bed.

Click on the images to enlarge.
The dam on Polecat Creek
Hey Bridget, I'm not sure that's the world's safest place to stand!
Dude contemplating wormholes at "Worm Rock" (GC3B5K6). They would explain a lot, wouldn't they?

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Have You Ever Wondered?

I've found myself revisiting a lot of my favorite music in the past few weeks, particularly progressive rock from the 1970s. Last night, I treated myself to Jeff Wayne's 1979 musical version of War of the Worlds, which I still believe is the best adaptation of Wells's novel (perhaps my all-time favorite novel, apart from Dumas's The Three Musketeers). The recording came out at the height of the disco era, and the disco influence shows a bit — and despite an overall positive reception at the time, I recall some serious backlash because of it. Back then, being a progressive-rock purist, I was as anti-disco as they came, but also being a Moody Blues fanatic, Justin Hayward's presence on the album sold me. Upon my first listening, I considered the album a masterpiece, and to this day, I still do.

And on the subject of The Moody Blues, Graeme Edge, their drummer/lyricist, had a short but fairly brilliant run in the late 70s with The Graeme Edge Band, which featured Adrian Gurvitz on guitar/vocals. Their albums, Kick Off Your Muddy Boots and Paradise Ballroom were both jam-packed gems of progressive rock. They never achieved much recognition, but the little body of work they had still stands out as awesome. "Have You Ever Wondered" is one of the many noteworthy cuts from Kick Off Your Muddy Boots. Give it a listen; if you're of that age and/or musical persuasion and haven't checked them out before, you're so in for a treat.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Wettest Drought Ever

8-10-12: At the office — The storm took out a bunch of woods, our servers, email, and the coffeemaker.
We had a pretty good thunderstorm last night — as we have pretty much every day since this infernal drought began. We've had so much rain my house is waterlogged, the gutters are clogged, and some of the siding on the chimney has peeled off. Came into work this morning, and it looked like the woods had exploded all over the parking lot. Clearly, the storm was worse here than at home, and to top it off, all our systems in the office were down — including the coffeemaker. Fortunately, our priorities are in order here, and the coffee is flowing again. Thank Yog, for it was about to get ugly. If there were any mercy in the universe, it would be raining pancakes and bacon.

I'm sure the folks out west could use some of what we're getting. We're technically still in a drought here, but I might need to consider buying a boat so I can at least get back and forth to work.

Dammit, need more coffee.
Why is it not raining pancakes (maybe even with butter and syrup) and bacon?

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Caching on the Brain


Yeah, that's Damned Rodan on "The Brain" (GC2JGGM), down near nothing, somewhere between Asheboro and Lexington. A nice day on the caching trail with Bridget "Suntigres" Langley; mostly park-&-grab caches, which added another 26 to my total, now at 4,896. "The Brain" looks like a big old hunk of marble, though my expertise in things geological isn't exactly prodigious. Caching, though, has certainly helped dredge up a lot of forgotten knowledge from my school years, particularly when I'm out in the field with science guru Mark Case, who never lets slip an opportunity to share his love of geology. Aptly, Mark was the first finder of "The Brain" when the cache was published a ways back. The one disagreeable aspect of digging into the brain to snag the cache was the fact that, when brains haven't been discovered for a good while, sometimes vermin set in. As I moved the medulla oblongata to access the cache, all kinds of hopping, scuttling, slithering things exploded from the dark recesses, and I'm pretty sure I saw an icky little tumor back in there. No matter, though. We signed the log, and from there, went forth to take on a host of spiders, including black widows, at a few more caches around Randolph County.

Thanks for the caches.

Click images to enlarge.
Suntigres contemplates the answers to life, the universe, and everything.
A fun array of signs near "Bus Stop" (GC2FM4V)
And here's where it all ends: a graveyard in a cornfield.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Coming Soon to an Atomic Drive-In Near You

The name Mike Bogue is familiar primarily to readers of G-Fan magazine and, in that venue, mainly as a writer of nonfiction articles about daikaiju movies and the associated joys of being a diehard fan. Since Mike and I grew up about the same time, evidently in the same small town but several states apart, I have frequently enjoyed his exuberant reminisces about his visits with giant monsters on the big screen, many of which almost eerily reflect my own. Among our shared joys was going to drive-in theaters, when multi-feature monster shows were the order of the day — or night, rather — and some of us actually did go to drive-ins watch the movies.

Recently, Mike has leaped with all eight legs into the realm of fiction-writing, with a post-apocalyptic-alternate-reality-retro novella titled Atomic Drive-In. It has not been officially released yet — it is slated to be made available soon in various file formats for a modest fee; I will certainly convey that information here when it's available — but I got a sneak preview of this mutated monstrosity and figured a few thoughts from another hardcore giant monster drive-in-movie maniac would be in order.

To be clear, Mike is not a professional writer of fiction; however, his prose is at all times competent and frequently gripping. I'd go so far as to say that, despite its inevitable rough edges, Atomic Drive-In is more engaging than the efforts of many accomplished authors that I've read in the not-so-distant past. It's good for a PG-13 rating, with a wee bit of graphic violence and explicit imagery, perhaps a bit more than the cinematic properties it seeks to emulate — though this is, for the most part, anything but a drawback.

The story opens with a pair of friends, Brent and Jerry, both aged fifty-ish, visiting a closed-down drive-in theater, having made a deal with a mysterious, unseen character named Moonman to experience something beyond their imaginations. Moonman has provided them with an antique 1957 Chevy — complete with a charred skeleton in the front seat — that will transport them to an alternate Earth where the monsters of the movies they grew up with are quite real. Anxious to put this fantastic claim to the test, the two crank up the car... and before they know it, find themselves in an open, functioning drive-in theater running a Bugs Bunny cartoon. However, the theater itself proves to be something far different than they could have expected. They have indeed arrived on a parallel earth, but this is a war-torn, radiated world populated by mutants — human and otherwise — and the drive-in theater has been turned into a fortress against the things "out there," with movies played regularly to keep the entrapped population focused on something other than their own dire circumstances. The refugees' de facto leader, a gentleman named Isaac Carpenter, explains that some of their number have attempted to escape to the "other" Earth in the quantum-powered Chevrolet, but inhabitants of their reality are reduced to cinders if they attempt to pass through the barrier between worlds — hence the skeleton in the vehicle, who turns out to be none other than Carpenter's own son.

Before they know it, Brent and Jerry experience an assault by a giant dragonfly, which indeed resembles something out of one of the monster movies they love, but the heavily armed drive-in guards manage to dispatch it. Next, a giant gila monster attacks, proving somewhat more difficult to kill than the oversize insect. Once again, however, the powerful weaponry the refugees have at their disposal proves adequate to fend off the beast — but their supplies are perilously low, and they fear it is only a matter of time before they succumb to either the monsters' attacks or the radiation itself, which is steadily, insidiously working its effects on the DNA of the survivors.

Both Brent and Jerry find themselves infatuated with Carpenter's daughter, Lori, who is pregnant with the child of her missing fiancé, whose fate is unknown. Initially, she appears reticent to speak of either her fiancé or the baby, and both men soon discover why: her distended abdomen has become transparent, like a window to her womb, revealing a mutated horror inside her, which, to their shock, she feels compelled to love and protect. This revelation sends Brent retreating from her, but Jerry is more accepting of the situation and vows to protect Lori and her child at all costs.

But then a new horror appears: none other than Sean, Lori's fiancé, only now having grown gigantic and become quite mad, resembling none other than the mutated Colonel Glenn Manning in the horror classics The Amazing Colossal Man and its sequel War of the Colossal Beast. The mutant's onslaught is ferocious and deadly, but once again, after a violent battle, the drive-in refugees prevail. Finally, however, the survivors' stronghold is attacked by the two most terrifying monsters yet: a gigantic preying mantis and a monstrous wolf spider. In the midst of the attack, the two creatures turn on each other, wreaking havoc as they fight to the death.

Unable to deal further with the hideous reality he was initially so intent on exploring, Brent decides to return once and for all to his rightful world, while Jerry opts to remain with Lori and her people — for he has himself succumbed to the mutating powers of the widespread radiation. Just as Brent is making his escape, a radio broadcast warns of an impending, horrific attack, and he knows he must leave his best friend to grapple with the consequences of his fateful decision....

Mike Bogue constructs a grotesque post-apocalyptic world, described in details more typical of contemporary genre authors, but at its heart, the story remains true to its 1950s roadshow–inspired origins. A few niggling problems do spoil the flow of the narrative, such as the characters going back and forth between worlds in the interludes between monster attacks; for the most part, they're unnecessary and feel more like padding than true development. Still, you just don't get that many knock-down-drag-out tales about giant monsters, mutants, and alternate realities, and Mike pretty capably covers all the bases. I hope the story will soon see widespread release and you can check it out for yourself. I'll be sure to post an alert when The Atomic Drive-In is open for business.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Nothing to Wine About

Kimberly on the porch at Brandon Hills
Vineyards, near Yadkinville, NC

For the nice lady and I, visiting the multitude of wineries in the region has become one of our favorite leisure activities. It's only been in the past couple of years that I've come to appreciate wine of any variety; a particular incident back in college — something about being on the newspaper staff and going to a staff party, where the sports editor and I got into a race to see who could chug the most Chardonnay — had put me off wine in general (and even now, 35 years later, I can barely stomach most white varieties). However, over time, the dry reds began to grow on me, and both Kimberly and I have enjoyed many of the different varieties produced locally, some of which rate among the most palatable wines I've had anywhere. North Carolina now ranks number ten among wine-producing states, and I suspect it's liable to rank higher as vineyards increasingly replace tobacco farms, which are — quite understandably — no longer as profitable as they used to be. Many of the wineries frequently offer discount deals through Groupon and Living Social, so it's possible to get a good sampling of their wares quite inexpensively. With most tastings, you get a glass to keep, so I doubt that Kimberly and I will need to invest in wine glasses during in this lifetime.

Yesterday, we paid visits to Brandon Hills Vineyard, near Yadkinville, NC, and Hanover Park Vineyard, a short distance away. Brandon Hills is relatively new, with its first harvest in 2007. Their selection of dry reds was limited to a Barbera, a Merlot, and a blend called Raptor Red, but all quite good, particularly the Barbera. They offer more dry and semi-dry whites, a couple of which I found quite palatable, the 2010 Pinot Gris being the best. As with most of the vineyards in the Yadkin River Valley, the setting is picturesque, and they offer plenty of outdoor seating, including an arbor-like gazebo. It was scorching hot out there yesterday, but nice lady and I persevered and enjoyed a glass on the porch. The staff is knowledgeable, friendly, and very accommodating. They are also avid supporters of the Carolina Raptor Center, which is dedicated to the conservation of birds of prey, through education, research, and the rehabilitation of injured and orphan raptors.

From there, we headed to Hanover Park, less than five miles away, and discovered one of the real treasures in the region. The winery was established in 1996, with the retail/tasting area situated in a farmhouse built in 1897, beautifully restored to retain its original character. The owners are clearly accomplished winemakers and have a small but extremely personable staff to take care of visitors. Their wines rate among some of the best I've had in the region, including a couple of reserve blends that were produced under unique conditions and will never come around again. They have several excellent dry reds and only a handful of whites. I was especially taken with their Chambourcin, Mouvedre (quite rare in these parts), and a 2006 blend called Michael's, made of Cabernet Sauvignon, Cabernet Franc and Merlot. Again, it was almost too hot to enjoy being outdoors, but we braved the oppressive temperatures to enjoy a glass in their very scenic front yard. For sheer character and charm, not to mention quality of product, Hanover Park is one of the best.

To get a nice overview of the wineries in North Carolina, go to visitncwine.com.

Needless to say, one of the most desirable aspects of visiting wineries is that there are almost always geocaches in the bargain — some, such as Benjamin Vineyards, in Saxapahaw, and Laurel Grey Vineyards, near Hamptonville, have caches on the premises. Grabbed a handful on the trip yesterday, to bring ye total to 4,841 and counting....

Click images to enlarge.
A pair of very happy glasses enjoying the scenery at Brandon Hills Vineyard.
Dude on the porch at Hanover Park. His glass clearly needs some TLC.
Another satisfied customer at Hanover Park Vineyard.